Let Go and Let God

It's been a week or so since my last blog and man have things changed already. I'm still running, trying to get myself ready for the run in 15 or so days. I'm still enjoying Atlanta and I'm more in love than ever, but some things have changed a bit.

Why is it that it takes something bad or something scary to make you sit back and think "What am I doing?" "Why is it that sometimes I forget that I need to Let Go and Let God?" "Why do I need reminders to be patient, when I am so good at reminding others to do just that?" This weekend allowed me to do some serious soul searching. Something I've tried to do and never really completed. (Yes I know this will never be complete, but instead of getting too far in, I let myself get distracted and ignore the issues).

As most all of you know, I am quick to speak. I can be a bit forward, and tend to tell it like it is. There are very few times that I'm actually intending to be mean to someone (thank goodness for this), but I understand that sometimes I am misinterpreted. While I embrace portions of my "quick tongue" I do not love it all. I do not love that people take things that I say the wrong way, I don't like that I have hurt people by the things I've said, I don't like that often times I say things that some may find shocking or unneccessary. And what most annoying, is it is by no fault but my own. I'm working on myself. I'm allowing God to work through me. I am trying to figure out what made me the way I am, and what I can do to tone it down.

I am impatient. I am quick to talk about things that don't need to be talked about, just so I can know. I like to jump the gun on things. I like to know what is coming and what my life will bring. Oh man oh man, did God put the quick breaks on me. I can just imagine him chuckling to himself saying "Slow down Erin, for I have a plan for you." I've been praying and praying and praying about what his plan is for me. Asking for help in letting myself just let go and live. I know he will provide everything I need. I know he has a plan for me, I know he will guide me and teach me along the way. I have got to let loose of the reins and hand them back to him.

It's funny to me that the second I finally got the message that I am not in control, I get 100 signs that things are ok, things will work out, I am not alone. I've gotten two just today. I was reading some blogs of friends of mine and one posted the lyrics of a song that illustrate perfectly how I've been feeling. (Thanks Jordan for posting this).

I pray that you will "Slow me down, show me around
I wanna see the world that I've been without
I am here and now the future is out of my hands
I trust in you and how you move
I won't forget that patience is a virtue
You're teaching me to hang on tight

Cause I don't know how the story ends
But I'll be alright cause you own it
And I don't know where where the highway bends
But I'm doing just fine
Cause you're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go
You're keeping me guessing.

I also read another friends blog who gave me so much encouragement, because even through her sadness, anger, and unknown future she is holding strong to God. She is trusting him to show her the way and she knows that she has so much ahead of her, even though it may be different that what she originally thought. I am not alone in wondering what is ahead, but now I know that it's ok to wonder, just don't expect and plan on my own.

I am excited for what is to come. I am excited to grow and change and become the woman I am meant to be. Today is a new day, and today is another step in the right direction. Thankfully, I have a great family, supporting boyfriend, and amazing friends who are always there for me and will help me through the journey. (Just wish most of these people didn't live in other states!)